Don't Make a Meal Of It by Türkân Ahmet

EXT. A SUMMERS EVENING. WOODLAND CLEARING. 7PM.

From a technology-obsessed, know-it-all generation, four friends are on a rambling trip in a crude attempt at 'reconnecting with nature'.

Eleanor: It’s so nice being in the great outdoors, surrounded by nature, don’t you think?                Thanks for all coming on this rambling trip with me.

Aaron:                   I’m bored

Hannah:               My legs are killing me

James:                  And I’m starving

Aaron:                  Well whose fault is that?! You and your stupid McDonalds-finder app!

Hannah:               Don’t blame the app, it’s not his fault we’re lost.

Aaron:                  No it’s your fault we’re lost, we were using your phone’s sat nav!

Eleanor:               Listen guys, don’t argue, I’ve got some food if you’re desperate.

Aaron:                  Eleanor, no-one’s going to eat those berries you’ve just picked.

James:                  I’ll eat them, I’m so hungry

Aaron:                 They could be poisonous

Eleanor:               I’m pretty sure they’re safe. Me and my dad used to pick wild fruit and eat it all the                                   time. It was his hobby, he loved learning about plants and fruit species.

Aaron:                  Wow! He actually liked learning? I’ve never met anyone like that before.

Hannah:               I bet your dad would loved this app. It’s called Make A Meal Of It - it tells you if                                           something’s edible or not. Let me take a photo of the berry (takes a photo). There you                               go, see. It’s come back as ‘si paritas maneat’. Or in English ‘inconclusive’. Oh.

James:                  I’m sure they’re fine, just pass me one

Aaron:                  Mate I wouldn’t if I were you

James takes a long sniff at one of them, licks it and then puts it in his mouth.

Aaron:                  Don’t!

James suddenly grabs his throat and starts gagging.

Hannah:                Nooooo

Eleanor:                James?!

James:                   I can’t believe you guys fell for that. That’s the oldest trick in the book! Hannah pass                                 me the rest of the bunch. They’re actually quite nice.

Hannah:               Here you go

Aaron:                   I’m so bored. Did anyone bring anything to actually do on this stupid trip? Who walks                                for fun?!

Eleanor:               Why is everyone moaning? You were all enjoying yourselves earlier.

Hannah:               Yeah, but I was listening to music

Aaron:                   And I was following the footy

Eleanor:               You guys are unbelievable

Hannah:               Don’t feel left out. I downloaded this really old-fashioned game we can all play if you                               want. It’s called Charades. Has anyone heard of it?

James starts coughing and spluttering and saying something incoherent.

Eleanor:               Of course we’ve heard of it we’re not stupid.

James:                 Ggghhhhhrhhheeh! Skfshhhhhshh!

Eleanor:               What’s he trying to say?

Aaron:                   I think he’s trying to give us a clue. It’s two words I think?

Hannah:               Two words? And what’s he pointing at? Erm… erm… I need another clue.

Aaron:                  You’ve got to ask yes/no questions

Eleanor:               Are the berries too sweet? Too sour?

James:                  Mmmmnnnnnnnnn!! Nnnnffff!!

Eleanor:               Erm. Something to do with your throat?

Aaron:                  Your mouth?

Hannah:               Your face?

James:                  YYYYYHHHHHHHNNNN MMMEEMMMMNNNEE

James is thrashing his arms around clasping his throat, gasping for air.

Hannah:               Cool, he’s turning blue. Charades is much more fun that what the reviews said.

Aaron:                  Oh no!

Eleanor:               Maybe they were poisonous after all?!

Hannah:               Move out of my way I know what to do (pushes some buttons on her phone)
                               Siri, what do we do?

Aaron:                  Just call an ambulance!

Eleanor:              Dial 999!

Hannah:              Wait! Bye Siri, love you, let’s talk later.

Aaron:                  Oh my god. James?

Eleanor:               HANNAH, CALL 999!

Hannah:               Hang on a minute, this will help us. It’s my St. John Ambulance app. It’ll tell us what’s                               wrong with him.

James coughs, splutters then silence. He drops to the ground in a heap.

Eleanor:                 JAMES!

Hannah:                 Right, it’s loaded. Ok step 1 – Is the casualty breathing?

Aaron/Eleanor:    HANNAH!

Hannah:                Ok, ok! So, let me just select  ‘No – the casualty is not breathing’.

Aaron:                    I definitely can’t find a pulse…

Eleanor:                 He’s dead isn’t he?

Hannah:                He’s not dead, stop being so negative, the results haven’t even loaded yet! (“Ding”).                                 Ok, yes, he’s dead.

Eleanor:                I gave him the poisonous berries. I killed my friend. I’m going to prison aren’t I?

Aaron:                   No not necessarily…

Hannah:               But if you do, don’t worry, it won’t be for very long… How good are you at                                                        wall-climbing? I’ve got an interactive prison-break app you can put to good use.